Mein dear family brief, wie findet ihr ihn?

Hi,

könnte sich vllt mal jemand meinen dear family brief angucken?
ich bin nen bissl unsicher ob der persönlich genug is und er is zu lang.

hier ist er:

Dear family,

My name is Paul Stage and in the moment I’m sitting at my desk and write this letter to you. I’m so happy that I’m able to spend a whole year in China and I can’t awaite to see you. I don’t really know how this year will look like, but I’m sure it will be more than just a great experience. One the one hand, I’m very excited on next year, because it will be the longest time I leave my known environment. On the other hand I’m very curious on China. I really want to know how you live there, how your attitude towards the life and what your interests are. I’m very open-minded towards this exchange and I hope we will have a great time together. Therefore, perhaps it is the best when I will tell you something about me now:

I’m 16 years old and I live in Premnitz. It is a very small town with 8 500 inhabitants near Berlin. It is a nice town. In 2015 there will be the BUGA (with a high budget, in the regions, extensive architecture and gardening’s are realized), therefore we have a lot of parks and modern Buildings in our “town centre” (it is not really big, but it’s named centre, because there are the most shopping possibilities). Together with my sister, my mum and my dad, I live in a small house at the border of Premnitz, in a very short street named Weidenweg. Most of our neighbors are very friendly and I think it is quite funny, that my aunt and my uncle live next to us.
I’m a calm boy, who is very general interested. When I’m with my friends or with other people I know very well, I’m more open. That does not need much time, because if there are things, interesting both, a friendship grew much faster. I really like chocolate, but my mom didn’t give me much of it. Over the years I learn to ration my stock. My friends say that it is very strange how I eat sweets, but it’s a good method to store them. I ever eat only small parts of it and leave me time to enjoy this beautiful taste. I’m a reliable person, who gives his best in all Situations I can imagine. And although I’m sometimes calm, I’m a lively person.
I have a very good relationship to my family and also to my relatives. The thing that my aunt and my uncle are our neighbors is the reason for this good relation. Often we go to them or they come to us and have a small conversation. My Father is Michael, he works for Siemens in Berlin. He goes early in the morning and comes back in the evening. Sometimes he works abroad, but nevertheless he try to be always there for me and the family. I can trust him and when I bring good marks with me, I can do what I want. He gives me the chance to sea a lot of interesting and very different things, which help me to develop a far-reaching general knowledge. My mother is Nadja and at the moment she works at Rathenow. She works in an association, which coordinates the tourism in our region. She is not as late as my father at home, because she hasn’t to drive an hour to her job like my father. Because of that in nearly all times she is my first reference person if I have problems. If possible she always try to help me and as consideration I help her where I can. I do normal things like bring in the heavy shopping box or making the dishes up to things like take my sister from school or correct texts, which she wrote. My sister!!! Yes she is small and she looks cute, but sometimes she is the devil in person. When she didn’t get her will, she gets really awkward. But nevertheless she is my sister. And ok, most of the time she isn’t that evil, but very friendly. It is a good feeling, that my family, my friends, my teachers and my table tennis team support me.
My School is in Rathenow, an a little bit bigger town, which is 15km away from Premnitz. Every morning, I stand up at quarter to six, make breakfast and go by train to Rathenow. In school we have between six and eight lessons a day, normally I’m back at home at two, three or four o’clock. In school we have all in all 16 different subjects. My favorite ones are mathematics, the natural sciences like physics, English, sports, geography and history. Our school is, for our region, a quite big one and she is very crowded, because we fused with an other school in Rathenow. There are 750 students at our secondary school. From my inquiries I know that the schools in China are even bigger than mine, so that it surely would be quite funny there. I have a good relationship to my classmates, I am one of the best students and I’m always helpfully. The respect me and I have a lot of friends inside my class. Even in our free time we organize evenings where we play card games or just hanging around and talk. I’m in a special class, in which history and geography isn’t guide in German, but in English. That’s very cool, because we learn many words, which we never had learned, if we only would have the “normal” English lessons. I really like our sport lessons, because it is a good possibility of variety to the sitting on the wood chairs all days. Nevertheless I have much fun in school, because I understand very quickly and rarely do I have problems with the subject matter.
Our teachers do not give us too much homework, normally I need one hour for them. But nevertheless they expect us to be always “in the matter”. That means that I have to learn for my subjects between a half and one and a half hour additionally to the homework. I always try to make my homework orderly and sometimes I sit until midnight to make them. My classmates bring me big respect for this attitude.
I’m of the opinion, that it is important, that our school have a good reputation. Therefore I take part in many actions, which go above the teaching. Examples are contests in mathematics, biology and sports, quite successful. I often won the mathematic competition at our school and our region, as well as in the one for biology. Besides I’m good in sports and often our teachers take me if there are sportive comparisons with other schools. A good example is maybe volleyball, because today we managed to take the third place at a local volleyball tournament.
Most of the time I’m not at school, I used to play table tennis. I play in a little club here in Premnitz. We train three times a week, but moreover we make a lot of other activities together. We go jogging, make our little gym nicer with posters of famous table tennis players or drive to competitions. In the summer we go camping every year. It is very funny, because there is a good atmosphere in our team and we have always a nice time. Together with 3 other guys and a girl, we play in the highest junior league of our federal state. Maybe it sounds, like we are quite good, but the league isn’t so hard. I really like table tennis, because it is a fast sport with much movement. As resume of the training I am sportive and more self-confident. In Germany China is valid for the best table tennis nation and that it is a national there, so maybe (if it is ok for you) I get the chance to play there, too.
Of course I don’t only play table tennis or go to school. There are much more things I like to do. I really love reading. My parents sometimes shout me, that I read to fast, so that I nead a new book every week. To my mind the most interesting Topics are Fantasy and Science-Fiction, but I also read other books, too. Sometimes, when I read a good book I forget the time and sleep very late, so that I’m tired next morning. My parents tell me, that I must learn to divide my time better, so that I have enough time to have fun and make my hobbies, to learn for school and make homework and to live healthy, eat and sleep enough, that I have the power to “survive” exhausting weeks.
A second big hobby of mine is my computer. Not only in that way, that I always play games or chat with my friends, I like to do handicrafts with my computer hardware. I know a lot of things out of the “world of PC-hardware”, that’s why my relatives and my classmates ask me if they have problems with their ones. I can help them, if they need new parts or if the computers are burst. I like the technique inside those machines. But nevertheless I don’t know anything and I’m always interested to learn new things.
I don’t know if it is the same at you, but here in Germany we have the big holydays in summer. There are six weeks where we have no school. In this time I like to meet my friends. It is the time to let the “soul dangle” (how we say in Germany) and use the time to regenerate energy for the new school year. Sometimes I just lie in the sun and enjoy the summer. But on other days we, me and my friends, make things, which we can’t do in school time. We go swimming, go to the cinema, organize LAN-Parties (we link our computers and play the whole day and the whole night, it is really cool, but very very arduous) a.s.o.
I want to go to China, because it is so far away and the art of living is so different from the German way of life, that I’m interested in. I want to find out by myself how you live there and if I’m able to live the same way. I want to learn about a new culture and I think that in China I will get the chance to prove myself and to take many experiences out of this year with you. My father already was in China, when he had to work there and he always says the best about this country and I trust him. I was in host families before, not that long, but from this visites I know, that if I’m helpfully and friendly, they are the same to me.

I hope I could give you a good view on me and my life. If you are interested you can send me an e-mail. (paul.stage@gmx.de). If you have any questions, or only want to contact me, you can make it there. I cant wait to fly to China and it isn’t any more long there. I’m looking to see you soon,

danke schon mal das ihr ihn euch angesehen habt :grinning:

aaalso, ich hab mir mal die ühe gemacht und deinen breif durchgesehn…generell kann man sagen das er vom inhalt schon ziemlich ausführlich is, viell auhc zu ausführlich manchmal. du könntest auf jeden fall mal noch gucken das du viell besser zusammenhänge darstellst un üvberleitungen machst…nen paar stellen hab ich mit (?) gekennzeichnet, weil ich da überhaupt nich wusste was du sagen wolltest, aber ich bin ja auch nich perfekt, frag doch einfach mal nioch deine englischlehrerin oder so nach verbesserungen, hab ich auch gemacht :+1:

Dear family,

My name is Paul Stage and in the moment I’m sitting at my desk and write this letter to you. ( ich weiss nich so recht ob dieser satz, sagen wir…nötig wäre, weil das is doch iwie selbstverständlich, oder?) I’m so happy that I’m able to spend a whole year in China and I can’t awaite to see you. I don’t really know how this year will look like, but I’m sure it will be more than just a great experience. On the one hand, I’m very excited about( weiß nicht genau ob das stimmt, aber on glaub ich is noch unwahrscheinlicher) the next year, because it will be the longest time I leave my known environment. On the other hand, I’m very curious about China. I really want to know how you live there, how your attitude towards life is and what your interests are. I’m very open-minded towards this exchange and I hope we will have a great time together. Therefore, it might the best when I will tell you something about me now:

I’m 16 years old and I live in Premnitz. It is a very small town with 8 500 inhabitants near Berlin. It is a nice town and in 2015 there will be the BUGA (with a high budget, in the regions, extensive architecture and gardening’s are realized), therefore we have a lot of parks and modern buildings in our “town centre” (it is not really big, but it’s named centre, because there are most of the shopping possibilities). Together with my sister, my mum and my dad, I live in a small house at the border of Premnitz, in a very short street named Weidenweg. Most of our neighbors are very friendly and I think it is quite funny, that my aunt and my uncle live next to us. ( die ausdrucksweise ist iwie seltsam, viell besser: I really appreciate it, that….)
I’m a calm boy, who is very general interested (?). When I’m with my friends or with other people I know very well, I’m more open. That does not need much time, because if there are things, interesting both, a friendship grows way faster. I really like chocolate, but my mom didn’t give me much of it. Over the years I learn to ration my stock. My friends say that it is very strange how I eat sweets, but it’s a good method to store them. I ever eat only small parts of it and leave me time to enjoy this beautiful taste.( nimm das jetz nicht persönlich oder so, aber wen interessiert wie du süßigkeiten ist?^^) I’m a reliable person, who gives his best in all situations I can imagine. And although I’m sometimes calm, I’m a lively person. (widerspruch?)
I have a very good relationship to my family and also to my relatives. The thing that my aunt and my uncle are our neighbors is the reason for this good relationship. Often we go to them or they come to us and we have a small conversation. My father is Michael, he works for Siemens in Berlin. He leaves early in the morning and comes back in the evening. Sometimes he works abroad, but nevertheless he tries to be there for me and the family whenever he can. I can trust him and when I bring good marks with me, I can do what I want. He gives me the chance to see a lot of interesting and very different things, which help me to develop a far-reaching general knowledge. My mother is Nadja and at the moment she works at Rathenow. She works in an association, which coordinates the tourism in our region. She is not as late as my father at home, because she doesn´t need to drive an hour to her working-place as my father. Because of that, she is my first reference person if I have problems almost all the time. If possible, she always tries to help me and as consideration I help her where I can. I do normal things like bringing in the heavy shopping box or making the dishes up(meinst du tisch decken oder den abwasch?) to things like bringing my sister home from school or correct texts, which she wrote. My sister!!!(?) Yes she is small and she looks cute, but sometimes she is the devil in person. When she doesn´t get her will, she gets really awkward. But nevertheless she is my sister. And ok, most of the time she isn’t that evil, but very friendly.(widerspruch?) It is a good feeling, that my family, my friends, my teachers and my table tennis team support me. ß zusammenhang zu vorletztem satz?
My School is in Rathenow, an a little bit bigger town, which is 15km away from Premnitz. Every morning, I stand up at quarter to six, make breakfast and go to Rathenow by train. In school we have between six and eight lessons a day, normally I’m back at home at two, three or four o’clock. In school we have all in all 16 different subjects. My favorite ones are mathematics, scientific subjects such as physics, English, PE, geography and history. Our school is, for our region, a quite big one and she is very crowded, because we fused with an other school in Rathenow. There are 750 students at our secondary school. From my inquiries I know that the schools in China are even bigger than mine, so that it surely would be quite funny there. I have a good relationship to my classmates, I am one of the best students and I’m always helpfully. They respect me and I have a lot of friends inside my class. Even in our free time we organize evenings where we play card games or just hang around and talk. I’m in a special class, in which history and geography isn’t teached in German, but in English. That’s very cool, because we learn many words, which we would have never learned, if we´d only have the “normal” English lessons. I really like our PE lessons, because it is a good possibility of variety to the sitting on the wood chairs all days.( ich weiß zwar grad nix besseres, aber der satz ist etwas unglücklich formuliert) Nevertheless I have much fun in school, because I understand very quickly and I rarely have problems with the subject matter.
Our teachers do not give us too much homework, normally I need one hour for them. But nevertheless they expect us to be always “in the matter”. That means that I have to learn for my subjects between a half and one and a half hour additionally to the homework. I always try to make my homework orderly and sometimes I sit until midnight to make them. My classmates bring me big respect for this attitude. (hört ich auch iwie komisch an)
In my opinion, it is important, that our school has a good reputation. Therefore I take part in many actions, which go above the teaching. Examples are contests in mathematics, biology and sports, in hich I am quite successful. I often won the mathematic competition at our school and our region, as well as the one for biology. Besides I’m good in PE and often our teachers pick me if there are sportive comparisons with other schools. A good example is maybe volleyball, because today we managed to take the third place at a local volleyball tournament.
Most of the time I’m not at school, because I play table tennis in a little club here in Premnitz. We train three times a week, but moreover we make a lot of other activities together. We go jogging, make our little gym nicer with posters of famous table tennis players or drive to competitions. In the summer we go camping every year. It is very funny, because there is a good atmosphere in our team and we always have a nice time. Together with 3 other guys and a girl, we play in the highest junior league of our federal state. Maybe it sounds as if we were quite good, but the league isn’t so hard. I really like table tennis, because it is a fast sport with much movement. As resumé of the training I am sportive and more self-confident. In Germany China is valid for the best table tennis nation and that it is a national sport(?) there, so maybe (if it is ok for you) I get the chance to play there, too.
Of course I don’t play just table tennis or go to school. There are much more things I like to do. I really love reading. My parents sometimes shout me( sie brüllen dich?), that I read to fast, so that I need a new book every week. I think the most interesting topics are Fantasy and Science-Fiction, but I also read other books, too. Sometimes, when I read a good book I forget the time and sleep very late, so that I’m tired next morning. My parents tell me, that I must learn to divide my time better, so that I have enough time to have fun and to pursue my hobbies, to learn for school and to do homework and to live healthy, eat and sleep enough, that I have the power to “survive” exhausting weeks.
A second big hobby of mine is my computer. Not only in that way, that I always play games or chat with my friends, I like to do handicrafts with my computer hardware. I know a lot of things out of the “world of PC-hardware”, that’s why my relatives and my classmates ask me if they have problems with their ones. I can help them, if they need new parts or if the computers are burst. I like the technique inside those machines. But nevertheless I don’t know anything and I’m always interested to learn new things. (Häää???)
I don’t know if it is the same at you, but here in Germany we have the big holydays in summer. There are six weeks where we have no school. In this time I like to meet my friends. It is the time to let the “soul dangle” (how we say in Germany) and use the time to regenerate energy for the new school year. Sometimes I just lie in the sun and enjoy the summer. But on other days we, me and my friends, make things, which we can’t do in school time. We go swimming, go to the cinema, organize LAN-Parties (we link our computers and play the whole day and the whole night, it is really cool, but very very arduous) a.s.o.
I want to go to China, because it is so far away and the art of living is so different from the German way of life, that I’m interested in. I want to find out by myself how you live there and if I’m able to live the same way. I want to learn about a new culture and I think that in China I will get the chance to prove myself and to take many experiences out of this year with you. My father has already been in China, when he had to work there and he always says the best about this country and I trust him. I was in host families before, not that long, but from this visits I know, that if I’m helpfully and friendly, they are the same to me.

I hope I could give you a good view on me and my life. If you are interested you can send me an e-mail. (paul.stage@gmx.de). If you have any questions, or only want to contact me, you can make it there. I can´t wait to fly to China and it isn’t any more long there(?). I’m looking forward to see you soon,

PS:nimm das jetz nich persönlich,aber iwie wirkst du wie ein übermensch der alles kann und bei dem alles toll ist, du solltest viell auch ein paar deiner schlechteren seiten kurz erwähnen, sonst wirkt es entweder unrealistisch oder übertrieben überzeugt von dir selbst

erst mal danke das du den brief gelesen hast. Hab den an den beiden letzten abenden gemacht, weil die mir ziemlich druck machen:worried:

auf jeden fall jede menge gute ratschläge
werd se berücksichtigen :+1:

np:+1:
wieso amchen die dir denn druck, biste spät dran oder was?

hey,
also ansich find ich den brief schon echt gut, und ich mein, der muss ja auch nich perfekt sein, weil schließlich soll deine family ja von anfang an schon wissen, wie du wirklich bist;)

ich hätte nur eine sache die ich ändern würde, und zwar scheireibst du manchmal " it is funny" aber so wie das verstehe willst du damit sagen " es ist lustig" oder? weil wenn du auf englisch sagst, " it is funny" bedeutet das do viel wie, " wir machen uns darüber lustig" ka is ne schlechte übersetztung aber ich weiß nich wie ichs erklären soll…wenn du sagen willst, " es ist lustig" schreib " it is a lot of fun" or " we have a lot of fun" oder so was;)

lg

Naja die ham mir nur knapp 2 wochen gegeben und da ich letztes WE keine Zeit hatte musst ich das jetzt in so kurzer Zeit machen:grinning:

:grin: wie schon im Titel danke für die Unterstützung:+1:

…sind leicht unnötig :smiley:

…sieht das gaaanz schön lang und viel aus.
ich hab ihn mir nicht ganz durchgelesen…aber du hast darüber geschrieben, dass deine schule in deutschland mit einer anderen schule zusammengelegt ist oder so und deswegen sehr voll ist. dabei hast du aber geschrieben „she is croweded“
oder so was ähnliches.
ist auf jeden fall „it“
:wink:

ein e zu viel :wink:
crowded